Yearly appraisal------what the words really means

Yearly appraisal------what the words really means

1)    Outgoing personality - Always going out of the office
2)    Great presentation skills - Able to bullshit (T?)
3)    Good communication skills - Spends a lot of time on the phone (all of CM ppl haha!)
4)    Work is first priority - Too ugly to get a date
5)    Active socially - Drinks a lot
6)    Independent worker - No one knows what you are doing
7)    Quick thinking - Gives excuses on the go
8)    Careful thinker - Will not make decisions
9)    Uses logic on difficult jobs - Gets someone else to do it
10)   Expresses themselves well - Speaks English
11)   Meticulous attention to detail - A nit-picker
12)   Has leadership qualities - Is tall or has a louder voice
13)   Exceptionally good judgment - Has been very lucky
14)   Keen sense of humor - Knows a lot of dirty jokes
15)   Career minded - Back stabber
16)   Loyal - Cannot get another job elsewhere
17)   Plans for advancement/promotion - Buys drinks for all the boys
18)   Of great value to the organization - Gets to work on time
19)   Relaxed attitude - Sleeps on the desk