Types of Girls

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live
without her.

EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your
four basic needs.

SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she
comes,installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to
uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall
her you will lose everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

Polish Husband

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or
so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well.
Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him - "very quick". The lawyer said that the speed
of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the
following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms."

LAWYER "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really
needed one."

LAWYER "I mean, What are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations are in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We
don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is
yes."

LAWYER: "No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?"

POLE: "NO, I'm always up before her."

LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"

POLE: "NO, she white."

LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"

POLE: "SHE going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

POLE: "She going to poison me.She buy a bottle at the drug store and put
on shelf in bathroom. I can read - it says, "Polish Remover"

Moods of Men & Women

The Moods of a Woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.



The Moods of a Man

Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.

Words Women Use

W ORDS WOMEN USE
******************************
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

Boss & You

When you take a long time, you're slow.

When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.







When you don't do it, you're lazy.

When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.







When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.

When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.







When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your

authority.

When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.







When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.

When your boss does it, he's being firm.







When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.

When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.







When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.

When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.







When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.

When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.







When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.

When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.







When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.

When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

6 weeks , months , years

Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?




Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.

Ways to Turn A Man Down

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.

Nine Months Later

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,"she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.

"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.
"Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?) Now keep that smile for the rest of the day.

Quiz

Check this out.... It Really Worked with me.... Will work with u too...

Here you have a great chance to know about yourself like your 
character
etc. without spending any money. This test was devised by oxford
university.
It tells about your personality just by your choice. So know yourself 
&
enjoy

Here it is.....

Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in the jungle. You 
pushed
open the door, in front of you were 7 small beds to the right of the
hut,and
another 7 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In the middle
of the
table was a round food tray with 5 kinds of fruit  in it.
There are:
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange

Which fruit will u choose?
Your choice reveals about u! Pls be very Honest to yourself.....
& Now scroll down for results:

...................







......................









....................................








....................................










....................................
















....................................
















....................................













.........................









............................








.....................................








...............................................
TEST RESULTS:
Here are the results.
---------------------------
a. if you chosen apple: that means you are a person who loves to eat 
Apple
b. if you chosen banana: that means you are a person who loves  to eat
Banana
c. if you chosen strawberry: that means you are a person who loves to
eat
Strawberry
d. if you chosen peach: that means you are a person who loves to eat 
Peach
e. if you chosen orange: that means you are  person who loves to  eat
Orange



Note: If u r hunting for me to punch me.....Well...I am busy hunting
for the
person who sent me this!!!!!

Tongue Twister

1. If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say
"don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand".
How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish
the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see
was sea, sea, sea.

5. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch
which watch?

7. I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I
thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the
thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

8. Once a fellow met a fellow in a field of beans. Said a fellow to a
fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow what a
fellow means?"

9. Mr. Inside went over to see Mr. Outside. Mr. Inside stood outside
and called to Mr. Outside inside. Mr. Outside answered Mr. Inside from
inside and Told Mr. Inside to come inside. Mr. Inside said "NO", and
told Mr. Outside to come outside. Mr. Outside and Mr. Inside argued
from
inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr.
Outside coaxed
Mr. Inside to come inside, then both Mr. Outside and Mr. Inside went
outside to the riverside.

10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE, BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE
SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his
inside outside his inside inn.

12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors
the
doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors?
Or
does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors? "When a
doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor
doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the
doctor
doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"

13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be
fine,Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or
whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the
weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot.
Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It
is whether we like it or
not.

14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said
The flea" Let us fly Said the fly "Let us flee" So they flew through a
flaw In the flue

16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted
as tongue-twister twists tongues.

17. Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw
sawed
Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen
See's
saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's
seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw. But it was sad to see Soar so
sore
Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw

Naaku sikki kicha!!!!!!

Why Are Most Ladies Are Still Single

why ladies today still single

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think
we
are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat
nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome,somewhat nice and have some money
and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST
MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest
in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our
job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into
something you'd like to have dinner with.