Genie In A Bottle

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window
of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband
cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up
there, find the owner,apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was
done: glass Was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle
was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband
replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bo ttle for a thousand
years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three
wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my
life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can
do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd
like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be
safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been
with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with
your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey,you know we
both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.
"I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled
over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?

Work Or Jail?

IN PRISON ........... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK ............ you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.......... you get three meals a day
AT WORK ...........you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay
for it.

IN PRISON........... you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK ........... you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON.......... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........... you must carry around a security card and open all the
doors for yourself.

IN PRISON ......... you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK .......... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.......... you get your own toilet.
AT WORK ........... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the
seat.

IN PRISON........... they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............ you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON.......... all expenses are paid by the taxpayer with no work
required.
AT WORK........... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then
they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for
prisoners.

IN PRISON.......... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get
out.
AT WORK ........... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go
inside bars.

IN PRISON .......... you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK............ they are called managers.

Bottle of Wine

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot over to an attractive woman.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there ," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."